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| One of my "Naples Kisses" on my Pathy. One on each side already! |
Learning to drive like a Neopolitan took me much less time than I expected. Turns out, if you pretend that you are the ONLY person on the road and do exactly what you want to do how and when you want to do it- you are driving like a local. Here are some common driving rules (I use this term in the loosest sense just like the Italians do) so that YOU TOO can drive like an Italian.
1. Road Lanes: Use them ALL. Scratch that. Pretend there are none. Straddle lanes for miles at a time. Regardless of the number of lanes of traffic painted on the roadbed, travel willy nilly all over the road. Make sure there are at least five cars abroad for every three painted lanes.
2. Freeway Exits: There are a number of different options
***This is the precise moment when my computer crashed, all of our lights began flickering ominously, EVERY house alarm in the Parco (subdivision for you stateside) began sounding, and every Italian guard dog began howling (due to said house alarms). Apparently we had some sort of power issue in the area. Joe and I wandered around the house for an hour attempting to get the wall heaters to stop squealing and keeping the house alarm from going off. The lights continued to surge and die until we finally gave up and went to bed. Why, you ask? Because it is Italy. That is the only explanation I have.***
And now back to the previously scheduled Blog.
Ahem.
2. Freeway Exits: There are a number of different options for approaching Freeway exits. Here is a sampling of a few I have seen:
The "Fake Right".- Drive as though you are going to exit the freeway. At the last possible moment, make an abrupt left adjustment, gesture wildly with both hands and curse out the driver to your left. Return to the freeway.
The "Fake Left".- Drive as though you plan to continue on the freeway. At the last possible moment, make an abrupt right adjustment, gesture wildly with both hands and curse out the driver to your right. Exit the freeway.
The "Va Bene".- (Loosely translated to "It's all good").- Drive past the freeway exit. Upon realizing you have past the exit, pull over to the side of the road and drive backwards to the exit. It does not matter in the least how FAR you have travelled beyond the exit. Exit the freeway.
The "WTF!". While exiting the freeway, simply stop in the middle of the roadway.
3. Vespas: Ride with three or four passengers at a time with no helmet, in your Sunday best, preferably with one rider carrying either a cake or four stacked pizzas or possibly the family dog.
4. Nature calls: Pull over, drop 'em. Doesn't matter your age or gender. I have seen more bare bottoms on Naples freeways than in a whole lifetime of gym locker rooms.
5. Passing: Do it. Do it around blind curves. Do it into oncoming traffic. Do it even if you are a ...holy mother of taco sauce that is a CITY BUS coming right at me!!! (Sorry, flashback.)
6. Using headlights: While convenient for travel at night, these are most often used to flash drivers in front of you to indicate you want them out of your way. If they do not immediately move over, feel free to climb into the back seat of their Fiat or perform a PIT maneuver.
7. Using signals: When travelling in the fast lane, turn on your left blinker and leave it on to indicate you have NO intent of EVER moving over for another vehicle. (It is fun to see a #6 and a #7 meet on the freeway)
8. Right of way: It's yours. It's ALWAYS yours. Just drive. Don't use your mirrors, don't hesitate, don't let them see the whites of your eyes.
9. Parking: Never ask if it is a parking spot, because of course it is. Double parked? Fine. Triple parked? No Problem. Put on your hazards in the middle of the street in the middle of town during rush hour and run into the pasticcerie? Va bene.
10. Road Rules: These are pretty simple, really. Don't hit that which is in front of you. It is only if you do that the other traffic rules apply.
