Very early after my arrival in Italy, a new friend said to me, "Write it all down now while it seems absurd. Because a year from now, all of this will seem normal."
I didn't take her advice.
I have been here for a year now.
So tell me, have I gone Native? I have caught myself...
1. Eating an entire Buffalo Mozzarella ball for breakfast.
2. Making the "praying hands" gesture (see attached "Italian Gestures" video when trying to make an emotional point while talking to someone
3. Doing the same thing, but while on the cell phone, driving, in rush hour traffic, in downtown Naples.
4. Buying wine for a dollar from a truck on the side of the road.
5. Buying tomato sauce from the same guy, stored in old beer bottles.
6. Feeling offended when I go an entire day without someone telling me how beautiful my children are.
7. Making a monthly trip to obtain coupons for "discount gas" that still ends up costing nearly $5 a gallon.
7. Paying nearly $10.00 for a gallon of gas when I run out of those coupons.
8. Buying that gas from a guy who is pumping it while simultaneously talking on his cellphone and smoking a cigarette.
9. Paying hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of dollars in gas an electricity every month, and still wearing sweatshirts and socks and keeping the house at a "balmy" 59 degrees fahrenheit.
10. Making do without electronic conveniences. Everything either needs to be purchased in 220v or plugged into a transformer (which still doesn't guarantee it won't blow up-- two fans and one air purifier so far). Turns out the world still goes around without your waffle maker and rice cooker.
11. Finding myself saying things like "Maadoooooonna!" and "Mama Mia! " without a thought.
12. Having zero expectation that I will be able to obtain ice cubes, at any time, for any purpose on earth.
13. Never washing my vehicle windshield because I know that there will be a (almost exclusively) North African immigrant who makes his living washing windshields at 6 or 8 of the 10 stoplights I will stop at today. It's gonna get taken care of if I have some spare change.
14. Never purchasing kleenex because, at the other 2 or 4 stoplights-- the immigrant that sells the tissues will be there.
15. Glancing only briefly at fires alongside the road. Stuff is simply ALWAYS on fire here.
16. Putting on my wading boots and stashing oars in my car to pick my kids up from school on rainy days. See Video.
17. Being wary of all old white panel vans, box trucks, and pre-1990 winnebagoes. (For those not-initiated, the gypsies travel almost exclusively in these vehicles...where they get them? I have no idea.)
18. Having absolutely NO IDEA what might be for sale in any given store. Handheld electronics, Trash cans, and Homemade marinated artichokes! Va Bene!
19. Craving mexican food, asian food, even FAST food which an urgency I can't even express.
20. Putting my BOB stroller downstairs and never, ever taking it anywhere. It actually has grown mold.
21. Realizing that roads built for Roman Chariots simply cannot manage SUVs built for American standards of luxury.
22. Going on vacation simply to bask in the luxury of their efficient heating and cooling systems.
23. Calculating the likelihood of being approached by a pack of stray dogs before taking Lucy on a walk.
24. Expecting that a transaction as simple as "I give you money, you provide a service" is SO much more complicated here and usually requires three visits to the service provider, a 10 item list of requirements, (after completion of which they provide you another 10-item list of requirements), a blood donation, an obstacle course including flaming hula hoops, application of an arm splint, much thrashing and voice-raising, and ultimately lots of cheek-kissing and a tiny cup of really strong, heavily sugared espresso.
25. Being floored when my rental landlord actually sends out a qualified person to perform a repair and does so within two weeks of my initial request. (Nearly always, it is the gate guard or his brother-in-law, with an 50-year old extension ladder and a flathead screwdriver to fix the air conditioner in November for a request made in June)
26. Being able to spot an American. It happens, it really actually does. And they don't have to speak.
I will leave you to contemplate my absorption into my host nation....ciao ciao, che vediamo dopo!
