Keep your S.U.V. at home. It's a gas hog which is going to cost you a ton of money. It can't navigate or turn within a 3 foot radius-- which is very very often what you have. (I can't tell you the number of 66 point turns I have had to embark upon) You won't be able to park it anywhere. It attracts all the wrong kind of attention. European-made automobiles are great! They are tiny, turn on a dime, go miles and miles by just sniffing gasoline, and are designed with more interior space than my #$%!ing SUV. Who knew.
Don't stop to stare, they aren't arguing. Italians simply lack volume control. They shout across parking lots, grocery stores, and crowded streets. They shout (and gesture maniacly) even when they are face-to-face. In fact, turn your volume knob up, else you aren't going to be heard.
Don't order a cappucino after 11am. Oh, sure, you can still drink coffee. But not the kind with lots of milk. It's a big no-no. Go figure. It says "Americano" louder than a hawaiian print shirt and sandals with black knee socks.
Plan ahead. Nothing is open from 1:30pm-4:30pm in the afternoon, and restaurants typically don't open until 7pm. You can expect innumerable short-circuited shopping runs and dinnertime toddler meltdowns from this one little timing hiccup alone.
You will be eating dinner in front of the TV. There is a flat screen TV at high volume center stage while dining at most every restaurant. Italians are rabid about soccer, so if there is a game-- it's on. If there isn't a game, "The Simpsons" dubbed into Italian seems to be preferred viewing during dinner.
Get the shocked look off your face. From being cut off while in line at the post office, to being trampled while trying to board a train, I have spent way too much time being a shocked and offended American rule follower and not enough time cutting to the head of the line. Imagine how much time I could have saved had I known that "single-file" and "wait your turn" can be found nowhere in the Italian dictionary!
Don't touch the vegetables. Or the fruit. The typical American shopper shops the produce aisle as a sensory experience. We squeeze the avocados, sniff the melons, may even taste a grape to get an idea of sweetness. Unless you want to get SERIOUS stink-eye and a probable hand slap from an eighty-year old 4 foot nothin', chain-smokin Nonna (grandma), don't do that here. Here, produce selection is a sterile act, and includes your very own pair of disposable plastic gloves. Any real manipulation of the produce beyond long distance observation pre-selection is regarded as unsanitary. At most regular grocery stores, in fact, there is an actual "produce selector guy" whose job it is to select and to weigh your vegetables and fruits for you. It pays to be nice to the produce selector guy, if you want to have a high ratio of quality to rotten fruit.
Don't expect the Cashiers to know produce SKUs: Still in the produce aisle, there is another trip-up. It is imperative that once you have selected your produce that you take said produce to a digital scale, set the produce on the scale, enter the SKU number of the produce into the keypad, and then obtain a price sticker from the scale to apply to your plastic baggie. If, by some act of God, you forget to apply said sticker-- not only will you be unable to purchase the item (The checkers do not memorize the SKU numbers like they do in the states), you will become a pariah in the grocery. The checker will hold it up to you and tell you in rapid-fire Italian that you have forgotten to include a price sticker, that you cannot have the vegetables, that you have caused a disruption in line, and that you are truly a waste of human skin. (That last part, I am guessing on....My Italian is not so good, but I pulled that from the eye rolls and hand gestures.) Then, they slam the produce down on the counter behind the register, glare at you, and continue checking.
Appreciate simple courtesies. For some reason, when an Italian discovers that you are an American, he feels an immediate need to make you feel comfortable, usually by turning on some kitchy American music. In various pedicure, hair styling, and shopping visits, I have been "treated" to Rod Stewart (Maggie May), Everlasting Love (Who does that one?), Bryan Adams (When a man loves a woman), Billy Idol (Cradle of Love)...the list goes on. Though once I was treated to an Italian song (which, after the restaurant family put on, they began to sing and dance to in the empty restaurant around us) .Tu vo fa L'Americano
Realize that you aren't going to hear all that much Italian music in Italy. Even on Italian radio, a lot of what is played is American Music...and lots of it is from the eighties.
Get your Mexican fix now. Yes, the food here is amazing. But be aware that Italians, and most especially Neopolitans, are very faithful to their own cuisine. In Naples, in fact, there is an ordinance which dictates which dishes a restaurant can serve. This means that regardless of what restaurant you go to, you will find the same dishes. These dishes are lovely, don't get me wrong. But after 1.5 years of eating those dishes-- you will be ready to sell your kidney for some Mexican, Thai, even (the horrors!) American chain food. Some of the highlights of our trips out of Italy have been the ability to eat Indian, Chinese, and Japanese food. Don't ask me what the local fare is in the Czech Republic, because all I could see when I got there is that they had a large Indian population--- it was me + Masala all the time.
Stock up on Euro. NOBODY takes credit cards. I think it is some combination of thriftyness (they don't want to pay the service fees), and underhandedness (they don't want to pay the taxes), but if you can't put your hands on some EURO, they will tell you to just head straight home.
Buy the kleenex. Maybe not at every single stoplight (because, lord knows, it is available there), but keep a good stock. Between the 2000-year old viruses that create month-long forays into mucouslandia and the somewhat-less-than-pristine (OK, let's call a spade a spade-- DEESGUSTING HOLE IN THE GROUND) public washrooms you will encounter (that don't stock TP, btw), you'll need them.
Need a clean restroom? If you are traveling by car, stop at any Autogrill. These little babies, kind of combination truck stop/grocery store/toy store/bookstore/restaurant/hangout are clean, ubiquitous, and serve food even during normal "riposa" hours (Whoopee, dinner at six!)
The first time you order a pepperoni pizza here, you are going to be very confused. And try the potato pizza, because even though it sounds really messed up- it's awesome.
Demand a pellet stove in your rental home. Seems frivolous? Here are your other choices: 1. $1250 heating bills in the winter OR 2. An outdoor propane heater in your living room. (Yeah, you know, the ones that say, don't use in an unventilated area?) It's actually the most popular option.
Buy stock in any company that makes mosquito spray and/or ant bait. Just sayin.
Buy lots of stylish and comfortable slippers. And more socks that you might imagine you will ever need. Because Marble floors are GORGEOUS!-- and freaking cold.
Prepare to accept that scarves are something worn year round. As are boots. Shorts are only for the beach. Flip flops, never. And both men and women carry purses.
And finally, put all of these on your shopping list immediately. I have found them over time, and simply cannot live without them now. In fact, I am beginning to hoard, for fear that I might be denied them sometime in the future.
Crema Balsamico: Just like really well aged Balsamic Vinegar, only without the price tag.
Mozzarella di Bufala: Soft, and creamy, and kept in liquid at room temperature. Divine.
Merende: (Literally, snack): I stayed away from these for far too long, thinking they looked like a twinkie, and were therefore, toxic. They have whole aisles of these little cakes, in various flavors-- not too sweet, not too big, not full of crappy ingredients. Thumbs up.
Espresso: Every morning. Two cups.
Italian fruit juices: They have amazing flavors that we just don't have at home, like Pear, and Apricot, and Banana, and Cherry. My kids favorite is Peach.
Milk Bread: Really, I think the French brought this over, but it's great. Think Hawaiian sweet bread in a convenient little sandwich roll. Makes a great peanut butter sandwich without any jam because it has a hint of sweet already.
Nutella: Europe's favorite spread. I never was a fan. It wasn't that I WASN'T a fan, I really just never really cared. Now, I have come to realize that this stuff is simply amazing! Want the best frosting? Whipped cream + Nutella. Want the best Chocolate cookies? Add Nutella. Want to make an amazing milkshake, dip for pretzels, swirl for coffee cake? I could go on.
Olive Oil: I'm a convert. I have always used olive oil for some cooking and for bread dipping. Now, I use it for everything. It's on my pasta instead of butter for the kiddos, it's in my hair, on my elbows, knees, and cuticles. I go through gallons of the stuff, and this inexpensive grocery store brand-- like maybe $6 a liter? It's awesome.
Olives: Of all types. Salty bright green ones. Big fat purple ones. Uber-salty dessicated black ones. Mixed in with mushrooms. Mixed in with peppers. Mixed in with Artichoke Hearts and Eggplant. They are everywhere in the markets, being scooped out of big tubs for 4E per Kilogram. Get me some crusty bread and a jug of these guys, and I am a happy soul.
Pancetta: Cubed, smoked, and ready to go. Nearly every one of my pasta recipes starts like this: Saute a little pancetta in some olive oil.....
Tomatoes: Specifically, the Datterino variety. I am madly pinteresting/googling how to keep and later germinate the seeds because they are just...that..good...
Fruttolo Yogurt: They love it, and it has good bugs. :)
Tomato Sauce: There are so many variations on this here, it's staggering. But the ones I always go back to are either this one, with a very slightly chunky texture, or true "Passata", which is a completely smooth tomato sauce. They are so good that you don't really even need to add anything before tossing it on your pasta--- and they don't heavily salt or sugar these sauces like they do in the states. Yum. "Pasta Sugo", a favorite at my kids school, is basically spaghetti with "sauce"-- and it is just a very very simple completely smooth red sauce, just like these.
Panna: It's cooking cream, and I can't try to pretend it is good for me. But here, they do their famous European "UHT" (Ultra High Temperature) pasteurization method, which means you can have this in the pantry for those times when you would just like the sauce to be a little richer or whatever and don't want to run to the grocery. And they have flavored Pannas, like salmon and mushroom, which make some pretty easy and amazing sauces.
There. A few things that could have helped me to hit the ground running, or at least walking, or limping instead of simply standing, mouth agape for several months while I tried to figure it all out. You're welcome, me.
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